wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
