i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize