yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
