No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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