(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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