Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
