I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
