IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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