im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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