the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
