I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
