How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
