My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
