you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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