wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
