really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
