if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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