the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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