She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
