dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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