cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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