Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
