did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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