There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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