Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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