from now on my penis is your penis
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
