You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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