my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
