No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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