I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
