Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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