THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
