The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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