Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he told me I talked like a deaf person
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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