I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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