Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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