Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
