You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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