Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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