Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
