does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
