I think I died a long time ago.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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