Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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