i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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