they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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