the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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