Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
