dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
