Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
