escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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