btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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