Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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