I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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