From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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