My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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