i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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