went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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