Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
