Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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