what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
