I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
