I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
