Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
