Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
