you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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