my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
